The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion to say the least.
In fact this post was started over a week ago but has just sat here.
It started over two weeks ago with a phone call that led to a match that culminated with what we had worried about . . . a failed match.
I would be remiss if I did not say I was sad because I was sad. I would be remiss if I did not say I am disappointed because I feel that way sometimes. I would be remiss if I did not say I am a little frustrated because at times I feel that way too.
Adoption is tricky when you really come down to it. It takes many people involved in order for it to happen. It involves at times short notice or even with notice you end still end up waiting. Waiting for a final result or decision that ultimately will end in sadness for one side (if not both sides) involved.
It is all complicated.
By Wednesday evening nearly 2 weeks ago and a late evening call our worries were becoming a little more real and by that Thursday afternoon we had our answer. Our birthmother chose to parent; While I may be sad and disappointed I wish them nothing but the best.
That Thursday afternoon we insisted that we be put back into the “presentation pile” to be shown to possible birthparents. I won’t lie – the thought of going through another failed match is scary. I am putting faith in that it just won’t happen again.
So after a few days of hanging out with family and a stop to see friends in North Texas we have come to home to “normal” – after all our life is the same as before.
We have returned to work and thus returned to normal life. Today we went to a birthday party, I have worked on laundry, put up some fall decorations (I am so ready for that cool fall weather), we grilled out on the back porch and now are watching a movie. Our normal weekend stuff (until hockey starts anyway).
I am grateful for the “normalcy” of our life but I would be lying if I didn’t say I am disappointed at what could have been. So for now I am just antsy, anxious and (at times) incredibly impatient; I know it is going to work out. We will have children of our own in our home. I just hope sooner rather than later.
Thank you again for your love and support. Our child will be extremely loved (and spoiled) when we get to meet them.
We are the point now where we are waiting. No – we aren’t waiting to match yet (that is a whole other type of waiting – at least to me) but we are waiting to be approved. Our background checks came in a week and a half ago (over a month earlier than estimated!) and we sent in the copies of our “book” and our birth mother letter. Now we are waiting for our home study to be approved, send the next set of fees and THEN we will be on the website and be able to be shown to mother(s)/families. Then we get to be waiting some more.
Summer is coming to a close for me and I am not sure how I feel about it. I love my job and in some ways I didn’t really stay off work (I usually went to work once a week to mess with some stuff) but I don’t know if I am really ready to go back to work. This summer has been really busy and I don’t know if I really took a break (I know shame on me). I think because of that I have been blessed with a massive sinus infection coupled with fevers and ear pain (in addition to muscle spasms that apparently I already had). The past 2 days have left me wanting to do very little and yesterday I ended up staying in bed most of the day with (what felt like) a continuous low grade fever. I am seriously hoping that the medicine will kick in (I felt decent this yesterday morning) or if it is a virus that it does what needs to happen so I actually feel good. The positivist outlook I am going with is that if I am sick now then I should be good to go when I am back at work next week. Apparently I have run myself ragged. I think I will have to be more mindful in the future.
But back to why people visit this blog . . .
So in terms of the adoption, I have had several people ask how/offer to help and I really didn’t know what to say. I have been thinking and here is what I have come up with:
1. Prayers – We need these more than anything! Prayers that a match will come soon. Prayers that we will be able to continue to pay all the fees. Prayers that when we have a child that we can all transition smoothly to our new life.
2. Fundraising – I am not a huge fan of fundraising to be honest HOWEVER domestic infant adoptions are expensive. After all – you are essentially paying to help a mother/family who decides to parent and a mother/family who choses to place their child for adoption. This is a mission work to say the least. The cost of adoption also pays for the salaries of the kind people who work for our agency. Thus bringing me to the topic of fundraising. As soon as we have our approval letter we can begin to apply for scholarships and grants, however, on many applications they want to know what fundraisers you are doing in addition to applying for grants/scholarships. We already know we don’t want to have a ton (and bombard people because that isn’t cool) but what do you think would be a beneficial fundraiser? Or rather what do you think would work? Not only to fundraise but to further getting out information about adoption (because that is part of our agency requirement – what are you doing to share information about adoption). So what I really saying is I would like some suggestions. Josh has come up with a few ideas and he will be sharing that on our facebook page soon (a youcaring page and some other things) but any ideas would be great!
So we are paused in our journey before the “big wait”. Thank you all so much for support and love. We couldn’t do it with you!